Blonde Jokes

Q. What does a Blonde say after she graduates from college?

A. "Hi, welcome to McDonalds"

Q. How do you change a Blonde's mind?

A. Blow in her ear.

Q. What does a Blonde say when you blow in her ear?

A. Thanks for the refill.

Q. What is it called when a Blonde blows into another Blonde's ear?

A. Data transfer.

Q. What's a Blonde doing when she grasps at thin air?

A. Collecting her thoughts.

Q. What do you call a Blonde holding a balloon?

A. Siamese twins.

Q. What do you call a Blonde in a sauna?

A. A hot air balloon.

Q. Why do Blondes wear their hair long?

A. To hide the air valve.

Q. What do a Blonde and a beer bottle have in common?

A. They are both empty from the neck up.

Q. What to you call a Blonde with half a brain?

A. Gifted.

Q. What do you call a Blonde with a brain?

A. A Golden retriever.

Q. What do you call a Blonde with two brain cells?

A. Pregnant.

Q. How do Blondes' brain cells die?

A. Alone.

Q. What do you call a Blonde in college?

A. A visitor.

Q. Why did the Blonde fail her chemistry course?

A. She thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates.

Q. Why did the Blonde fail Phys Ed?

A. She thought the quarterback was a refund.

Q. What are the worst six years of a Blonde's life?

A. Grade three.

Q. By grade seven, who has the better body: the brunette, the redhead, or the Blonde?

A. The Blonde- because she is 19.

Q. What do you call a Blonde that dyes her hair?

A. Artificial intelligence.

Q. What can save a dying Blonde?

A. Hair transplants.

Q. What does a Blonde use for birth control?

A. Brown hair dye.

Q. How many Blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

A. Ten. One to make the dough and nine to peel the Smarties.

Q. Why did the Blonde bake a chicken for almost three days?

A. Because it said to "cook for half an hour per pound" and she weighed 125 pounds.

Q. Why did the Blonde stare at the frozen juice can for two hours?

A. Because it said "concentrate."

Q. Why can't Blondes make ice cubes?

A. They can't remember the recipe.

Q. Why did the Blonde keep an empty carton of milk in the fridge?

A. In case she wanted her coffee black.

Q. Why did the Blonde ask to have her pizza cut into 6 slices instead of 12?

A. She didn't know if she could eat 12 slices.

Q. What did the Blonde do when she broke her Tupperware?

A. Called a plastic surgeon.

Q. What do Blondes make best for dinner?

A. Reservations.

Q. What did the Blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant?

A. "Is it mine?"

Q. Whe did the Blonde change her baby's diapers only once a month?

A. Because it said "Good for up to 20 pounds" on the box.

Q. Why did the Blonde climb onto the roof?

A. She heard drinks were on the house.

Q. Why did the Blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in six months?

A. Because it said "from 2 to 4 years" on the box.

Q. What do you call a Blonde skeleton in the closet.

A. Last year's hide and seek champ.

Q. Why did the Blonde couple freeze to death at the drive-in.

A. They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

Q. Why did the Blonde return her new AM radio.

A. She wanted a radio that played at night too.

Q. Why did the Blonde bury her walkman?

A. Because the batteries were dead.

Q. Why did the Blonde scale the chain link fence?

A. To see what was on the other side.

Q. Why was the Blonde so upset when her mother died?

A. Because her sister's mom died too.

Q. Why did the Blonde bring a mirror to bed?

A. She wanted to see how she slept.

Q. Why did the Blonde bring a ruler to bed?

A. She wanted to see how long she slept.

Q. Why was the Blonde frustrated every time she asked for the time?

A. She kept getting a different answer.

Q. Why did the Blonde bring sandpaper on her trip to the desert?

A. She thought it was a map.

Q. Why did the Blonde take a car door with her on her trip to the desert?

A. In case it got hot she could roll down the window.

Q. How did the Blonde explain her helicopter crash?

A. "It was getting cold so I turned off the ceiling fan."

Q. Why did the Blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

A. She kept throwing out the W's.

Q. What was the Blonde's job at the M&M factory?

A. Proofreader.

Q. Why did the Blonde get fired from her job as an elevator operator?

A. She kept getting lost.

Q. What's black and juzzy and hangs from the ceiling?

A. A Blonde electrician.

Q. Why was the Blonde upset after her driving test results?

A. She got an 'F' for sex.

Q. Why did the Blonde fail her driving test?

A. She wasn't used to being in the front seat.

Q. How does a Blonde turn on her bedroom light?

A. She opens the car door.

Q. What goes "Vroom... Screech... Vroom... Screech... Vroom... Screech...?"

A. A Blonde at a blinking red light.

Q. Why do Blondes keep a wire coat hanger in their cars?

A. In case they lock their keys inside.

Q. Why was the Blonde so worried when she locked her keys insider her car?

A. It was starting to rain and the top was down.

Q. Why did the Blonde sell her car?

A. She needed gas money.

Q. Why did the Blonde wear a condom on each ear.

A. She was afraid of hearing AIDS.

Q. What's the latest health epidemic among Blondes?

A. MAIDS: If they don't get one, they die.

Q. What's a Blonde's idea of safe sex?

A. Locking the car door.

Q. How can you tell if a Blonde has been using the computer?

A. There is white-out on the screen.

Q. How can you tell if another Blonde has been using the computer?

A. There's writing on the white-out.

Q. How can you tell if a third Blonde has been using the computer?

A. There is cheese in front of the mouse.

Q. How can you tell if you received an email from a Blonde.

A. It has a stamp on it.

Q. How can tell when a Blonde has sent you an email?

A. There's a computer in your mailbox.

Q. Why do Blondes prefer Macs.

A. They don't do Windows.

Q. How do you get a one armed Blonde out of a tree?

A. Wave at her.

Q. How do you sink a submerged submarine full of Blondes?

A. Knock on the hatch.

Q. How do you get a Blonde to marry you?

A. Tell her she's pregnant.

Q. What's the disease that paralyzes Blondes below the waist?

A. Marriage.

Q. What do you call a Blonde in a BMW.

A. A divorcee.

Q. What do you call a Blonde between two brunettes?

A. A mental block.

Q. What do you call a brunette between two Blondes?

A. An interpreter.

Q. What can strike a Blonde without them even knowing it?

A. A thought.

Q. What is a Blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

A. Trying to hold onto a thought.

Q. Why did the Blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

A. She wanted to make her mind up.

Q. What's the best way to get a Blonde to shut up?

A. Ask her to speak her mind.

Q. How do you make a Blonde's eyes light up?

A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q. What do you see when you look into a Blonde's eyes?

A. The back of her head.

Q. How does a psychic refer to a Blonde.

A. Light reading.

Q. What happened to the Blonde who stayed up all night to see where the sun went?

A. It finally dawned on her.

Q. What did the doctor say to the Blonde who claimed, "It hurts everywhere I touch."

A. "Your finger's broken."

Q. What did the Blonde say when she walked into the bar?

A. "Ouch!"

Q. How did the Blonde burn her ear?

A. She was ironing and the phone rang.

Q. How did the Blonde break her leg?

A. She tripped over the cordless phone.

Q. If a Blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who hits the water first?

A. The brunette. The Blonde gets lost.

Q. A dumb Blonde, a smart Blonde, and Santa Claus jump off a bridge. Who makes the biggest splash?

A. The dumb Blonde. The other two don't exist.

Q. Why was the Blonde crying after her trip to California?

A. She saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left."

Q. Why are the Japanese so smart?

A. No Blondes.

Q. What is the biggest advantage to marrying a Blonde?

A. You get to park in the Handicapped Zone.

Q. What prevented the Blonde from learning to water ski.

A. She couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Q. Why was the Blonde trapped on an escalator for hours?

A. The power went out.

Q. What was the Blonde's answer when asked, "What is the capital of California?"

A. She answered, "C."

Q. Why can't Blonde's make Kool-Aid?

A. 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

Q. Why do Blondes hate M&M's?

A. They are so hard to peel.

Q. Why did the Blonde get hurt while raking leaves?

A. She fell out of the tree.

Q. Why did the Blonde complain after losing in a breast stroke competition?

A. She claimed that the other swimmers cheated by using their arms.

Q. Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman?

A. You have to hollow out the head.

Q. Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?

A. They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q. What happened to the Blonde ice hockey team?

A. They drowned during spring training.

Q. How did the Blonde die drinking milk?

A. The cow stepped on her.

Q. How did the Blonde burn her nose?

A. Bobbing for french fries.

Q. Why do Blondes have more fun?

A. They are easier to amuse.

Q. What do you call 20 Blondes in a freezer?

A. Frosted flakes.

Q. Why did the Blonde resolve to have only three children.

A. She heard that 1 out of every 4 children are born Chinese.

Q. Why did the Blonde ask her friends to save their burned out light bulbs.

A. She needed them for the dark room she was building.

Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?

A: In case she had to draw blood.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?

A: Branch Manager

Q: What did the blonde do when she missed the 66 Bus?

A: She took the 33 Bus twice instead.

Q: A blonde driving down the highway to Disneyland saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left."

A: After thinking for a minute, she said "Oh Well" and turned around & drove home.

Q: Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?

A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?

A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

A: She was throwing all the "W’s" away.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She thought a quarterback was a refund.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She thought General Motors was in the army.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: At the bottom of an application where it says, "Sign here" She wrote "Sagittarius."

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "Concentrate."

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don’t Walk."

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She studied for a blood test.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She sold her car for gas money.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: When she heard that 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She thought if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She thought that she couldn’t use her AM radio in the evening.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She had a shirt that said "TGIF", which she thought stood for "This Goes In Front."

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

Q: How Blonde is She?

A: She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the banana peel on the floor?

A: Oh no, I’m going to fall again!

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

Q: Why did the blonde try to steal a police car?

A: On the back she saw "911" and thought is was a Porsche.

Q: What is brown, red, black & blue?

A: A Brunette who has been telling too many blonde jokes.

Q: Why was the blonde fired from the Banana Plantation?

A: She kept throwing away all the bent ones.

Q: What does a postcard from a blonde on vacation say?

A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?

A: Present her with a mirror & tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello."

Q: Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?

A: She didn’t want to awaken the sleeping pills.